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Great one-liners that will get your wedding speech off to a flying start
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So you’ve been asked to say a speech at a wedding and the thought of it makes you pretty nervous! Nothing’s worse than the thought of everyone laughing at you rather than with you… but where do you start? Whether you’re the groom, father of the bride or best man we’ve found a selection of the best witty one-liners that will guarantee guests to be laughing out loud…

  • ‘Isn’t it amazing how history repeats itself? Years ago, Mike’s parents were putting him to bed with a dummy. And now it’s happening all over again!!’
  • ‘Marriage isn’t a word. It is a sentence.’
  • ‘At 11 Jane took up the trombone. Once we heard her practising, we made sure she’d given it up by 11:30.’
  • ‘My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.’
  • ‘Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact, this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.’
  • ‘His colleagues describe him as a first class banker – I may have misheard them.’
  • ‘Now, I have no idea why my position here tonight is called the Best Man. If I’m the Best Man, how come Mike’s the one getting married?’
  • ‘For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ollie and for those of you that do… well I apologise. My full name is actually ‘Ollie would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.’
  • ‘If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.’
  • ‘My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.’
  • ‘I hope Mike and Jane have a lovely honeymoon in Wales. At least I think that is where they are going. When I asked Mike what he was doing after the wedding he said he was going to Bangor for a few weeks.’
  • ‘I'm sure you will all agree it has been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers!'