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Planning a wedding is a delicate balancing act.  On the one hand you’ll have a picture of how you want everything to turn out.  On the other you’ll discover that family and friends have a few ideas of their own!  Staying true to your vision, without putting a few noses out of joint on the way, can be a challenge.  This is especially true when it comes to picking your maid of honor.  In this post we share some pointers that will help you defuse potentially awkward conflicts and select the special individual who is best suited to giving you the support you’re going to need.

Trust your intuition

It’s your day, your decision.  Select the person you feel most comfortable with, the one you know you can rely on to be there when required.  But what if someone else has their heart set on the honor?  Or family and friends are pushing you to pick another?  And suppose you were maid of honor at a sibling’s or friend’s wedding – are you obliged to ask them?  Factors like this make things more complicated, for sure.  But don’t let others pressurise you – go with your choice!   Having said that, there are a few ways to arrive at an acceptable compromise if you are in a really tight spot.

Choose a Family Member

If you’re really struggling to make this decision, and find yourself in a situation where feelings are likely to be hurt, it’s probably safest to go with a family member.  Even if your bestie was confident of being the chosen one they are unlikely to feel too sore if you pick a close relative over them.  

Why stick at one?

Got two or three contenders that you are equally keen on and whom you can’t bear to disappoint?  Just ask them all!  They can share out the maid of honor duties between them and you can be sure you won’t be short of support.

She could be a he

There’s nothing to say that you can’t have a man of honor instead – these days it’s not uncommon.  If there’s a guy you are close to, a friend, a brother or maybe a cousin, that could work really well.

Who is most capable?

The role is not just an honor – it comes with responsibilities.  When you are considering your shortlist of possible candidates be realistic about their particular strengths and weaknesses.  Someone who is the life and soul of the party, but hopelessly disorganised and unreliable, is not a great idea.  Better go with someone who is steady under pressure and has a head for detail.

How supportive are they?

There will be times when you’re feeling wedding-planned out.  And moments, like just before you walk down the aisle, when nerves threaten to get the better of you.  The most important character trait to look for in your maid of honor is a personality that is naturally empathetic, diplomatic, positive and supportive.  Someone who can handle emotionally awkward situations and help you keep it all together when it matters most.  Bottom line, you need someone you can trust to have your back.

Need some more wedding planning input?

We hope you find these tips helpful.  You’ll find many more, covering everything from money saving advice to essential timelines and checklists, in our wedding planners.  If someone hasn’t bought you a copy yet then maybe it’s time to drop some heavy hints!